This was a draft on 2/16, after I barely completed Bootcamp... a month later I'm ready to publish because I know what's coming next now...
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Alright. Bootcamp is over. I stuck it out - mostly. But I don't think its totally for me. Maybe I just didn't click w/ the trainers. Or maybe I just hate push-ups. I did LUV the "hill" days where we had to run signal hill so I might go torture myself on my own sometimes when I want a hard run... which, when is that? But- you get the idea.
I am looking into personal training. I get bored. I have exercise ADD. I can't keep doing the same thing. I might go back to Pilates - both at 24 hr fitness & at the JCC.
I think time at the JCC would be good for me (no commentary from those of you who are haters- you know who you are). ... And it would be good for me to wear some Beach Equities stuff in the gym there. Overall, it'd be good for business. I'd totally be that girl- but maybe I am her. Eh, even I can't buy that. For those of you unfamiliar w/ the JCC - its just a *whole* lotta social politics. I have a luv-hate relationship w/ "the center" but... they have a really great gym.
I don't want to go back to Weight Watchers- but I think maybe I should. I'm not really that great at holding myself accountable.
I want to be independently wealthy so I can have a trainer, a nutritionist/chef, and a housekeeper. Alright - only 2 out of 3 are weightloss related but a girl can dream. But you know- even having the chef would not really problem-solve for me.
I LIKE TO GO OUT! I hate staying home period - so I hate staying home for meals.
This is ironic for me to type after making a lovely breakfast for myself, sipping my delish hazelnut coffee, while I stay in on my couch and out of the rain- not leaving my house. But this is not the norm.
I feel like I think and say the same things over and over and over and over again.
Must lose weight
Must get healthy
Must do laundry
And again~
Must lose weight
Must get healthy
Must do laundry.
Must find husband...
I think they are all connected and I won't touch any of them w/ a 10 foot pole if I can help it.
I hate doing laundry b/c if I have clean clothes and "don't have anything to wear" then it's my fault. The clothes, connected to the weight, connected to the health- and the confidence necessary to develop a great relationship... to not having that confidence... to sitting on my couch not doing laundry. Ahh the cycle.
I do everything for everybody else. I'm tired of working to please everyone else (except my clients - I still want to please them) :)
[This is where the contemplation trailed off and I got back to work...]
