it's all relative

so... i've had some great success- so what do i do? oh i go and fuck it all up again.
i went to taco bell. a mexican pizza, 2 soft tacos & an apple empanada later- i feel full, and much less stressed about a variety of issues in my personal and professional life.
but then i felt sick.

i've had a raging headache all day that neither caffeine, nor food, nor nicotine, nor sugar, nor water, nor rest could cure.

i feel like crap and i did not exercise today as planned b/c i was in my office instead of the gym- and that's good- but bad.

i used to be an EXPERT multi-tasker. somewhere along the way... my divvied up focus has departed from my world and left me unable to cope.

food solves everything in my world- and man is it tough to resist that comfort.

in the downward direction

so i'm up on my home scale again. i sort of knew that would happen. i think part of my big loss this past week was water weight. so, my goal this week is to maintain my huge loss of last week.

i think i am going to do the los al race on the base 5k this saturday. i did it 2 yrs ago right after my marathon. i'm gonna do my own pace- but i'm definitely going to beat my time from the santa monica/venice xmas fun run back in december.

i haven't been running the past few weeks- so i'm going to have to work that back in to my workouts this week. and it means i'll probably weigh-in for weight watchers on fri. or sun. next week... it'll be interesting- that's for sure.

also- b/c i lost so much last week- i lost a daily point i get to eat. which is good- it means i'm slowly phasing in the downward direction. but it really is an adjustment when it happens. and i'm trying to keep in mind what it's going to feel like when i am a normal size and have like 10 or more, less points every day than i have now.

those 10 extra points are my room for error right now. they're my room for junk food to stay in my life. room for bud light. room for bar food. and i see that eventually i am really going to have to reform my life even more. it's too much to contemplate right now- that's why weight watchers is going to work for me- b/c i can do it SLOWly. but every now 'n then, i get a glimpse, and it freaks me out.

right now, i'm just glad that i am continuing in the right direction. despite variances in success levels- i'm keeping it going. i have never been this close to my 10% goal. so i'm already immensely proud of myself.

also- my hipcooks class is coming up as reward. and i am super excited for that! i discovered a new "series" they offer that is all about healthy eating. some of it is a little too 'out there' for me, and its more expensive than their normal classes- but it looks like it could be a good influence on me.

we shall see. there is much more work to be done.

drumroll please

So I'm not really sure how I pulled this off... but... I lost... drumroll please....

7.4 lbs this week, alone!

It's crazy. I am thrilled. I received some silly 25lb magnet and charm from the folks at weight watchers b/c I surpassed that mark. And I am only 1.4lbs away from my HUGE HUGE 10% goal.

I basically think it was the process of hanging on to some water weight last week... so the loss for 2 weeks finally showed up. That's my working theory anyway.

However, the gain of a pound last week did really propel me into action. I worked out HARD early in the week and I really did watch my point intake closely.

My main goal this week is to keep the exercise up. Do 24set instead of 24lift-- even though I hate it a little bit more. Do a walk every morning- something easy so I will actually do it. I need to sweat this week. I need to make my healthy food and stick to my routine and keep working hard and it will all come.

I need to keep doing it exactly how I want to do it. I am repelling external forces these days. Unless you are my client, I don't care what you want, what time you prefer, where you want to go or what you want to do. I am only doing things that I want to do. And it is making all the difference!

I really want this 1.4 gone by next week b/c the following week I will be in Texas, and I want to celebrate my 10 % at my regular meeting, not the Friday meeting I will need to go to that week before I get on a plane. But it doesn't matter- my first big goal is finally within my reach and I am so excited!

just do it

I went to the gym this a.m.

I am tracking all my food.

I am committed to a serious loss on the scale this week.

I'm workin it out ...

;)

"And I don't know how, to get it back to good"

I gained exactly 1lb. this week. I know why. Some of it's my fault- and some of it is out of my control. Life goes on. I'm back on track. I WILL hit my 10% mark. I will I will I will.

I'm tired of this crap already. Not giving up- but irritated.

Right about now I am so glad I started this blog b/c I am more interested in not letting everyone ELSE down who have been my super cheerleaders, than I am concerned about letting myself down. Wrong, but true.

I'll get it all back together soon.

I

I did 24Dance last night which was super fun.

I did 24Lift tonight and was in a weird zone. I added extra weight and I feel zapped of strength and energy now after a super hot shower.

I was down 2lbs on my home scale this morning!

I did some not so great eating today- but at very regular intervals- and reasonably "healthy" options.

I am so grateful there is finally some justice for Team Jillian on Biggest Loser.
I am seriously considering sending in an application. I could've been Brittany this season! But I was moving when that app was due :( OH that's right, I know the dates. I had the paperwork.

I am tired. Not tired of the process- just tired from a long day.

I still wish it could go faster. But I'm getting better at accepting the daily challenge.

Bootcamp is not part of my financial plan right now- so that will have to wait.

But more future goals include personal training. I'm going to need it. I will need more personalized targeting.

I really wish I could treat this as my only fully time job. I already give it more mental energy these days than I ever have, and more than I think most do (which may or may not be a good thing) :) But if I could spend 6 hours a day in the gym like the Biggest Loser hopefuls, and learn how to eat properly- or just be magically wealthy enough to hire a personal healthy chef, I would be so happy. Happy doesn't even really cover it.

I'm willing to do the work- but it's easier with external motivation pushing you. Finding the internal motivation is the hardest part. Clinging to the goal of that little black dress before eating another brownie- or before another chip scoop of guacamole- is where success is made or delayed.

eating

I have a stomach-ache. :-( I am seriously considering sending the brownies to my mother.

But, mainly I'm back b/c I realized I forgot to comment on something.... The Biggest Loser (somewhat spoiler)...

So- my Black Team led by Jillian failed miserably at the weigh-in last week. Even Jillian's analysis was that it wasn't the work-outs- everyone was working their asses off. It was the food. And she knew it. And they all knew it. And it showed on the scale w/ some people losing nothing and others gaining. It was a sad sad day for Jillian and the NOT Biggest Loser's.

Which is something I have been thinking almost from the beginning of this...

Yes, I need to work out like crazy BUT it is worthless if I don't have the food under control first.
Even WeightWatchers doesn't tell you about how you can add Activity Points back into your day until like the 3rd or 4th week of the program. Food first, then workouts.

So I recommit to the basics. I have a solid work-out plan in place this week. It should be good- but I will not beat myself up if I miss some of it.

MAINLY- I need to focus on healthy eating- especially at night.

Also- on a sidenote- I also realized that normal sized people just don't get it. This comes from watching the last episode w/ 'em. They just don't relate to Biggest Loser in the same way- or have the right kind of sympathy or empathy w/ these people. The contestants don't have all this extra weight b/c they're lazy (well, maybe some of it). But mostly it's a sympton of a problem. It's a coping mechanism for something they've had to deal with. And it pisses me off that people don't get it. But that's ok. To each their own. I don't get how anyone likes Hollywood- it's beyond me. I don't care to get it nor can I really sympathize w/ any of the woes that come w/ a Hollywood lifestyle- so- to each their own.

I am kind of excited to see what I can do this week. Despite my morning brownie downfall, I'm in a good place about the eating this week-- hopefully it'll show up on the scale next Saturday!

eat, drink, and be merry

I just ate a brownie.

And so the battle with my weekend begins. How do people ever lose weight? They must become hermits. And never see their friends to eat, drink, and be merry.

This wknd was better than last- and I have a whole workout plan laid.

AND- the best news is that I cleaned my kitchen. No dirty dishes- everything in its place. That is what will REALLY help this week!

Now, if I could just throw all the brownies away....

on my way

I lost 0.8 lbs. today! WooHoo! That is almost a full pound!

I am now only 7.8lbs away from my 10% goal!

I am so happy. Right after I accepted the fact that I might gain this week, the 3 extra pounds that had accumulated on my home scale started dropping. And I was down 0.2 on my home scale this morning.

I still maintained the fear as I stepped on the scale at WW this a.m. - I was hoping to just stay the same, and not gain. It couldn't have been better!

This is *almost* a happier time than hitting that 20lb mark. Almost.

I'm on my way to my first HUGE goal that I've never been able to hit. I will hit it within the next month and there will be rejoicing all across the land that is the LBC. ;)