The half marathon was almost a month ago. I haven't signed up for my next race- but I will soon... I'm debating Huntington or OC... Feb or May... My LB medal is hanging on the corner of my television. Sometimes I don't even see it. Other times- I stop and stare.
I cut out a bikini model from Vogue. I've never liked Vogue. Which is strange-- almost every female I know can't help but be engrossed in it. Or at least - like thumbing through it. Not me. I never have. Never. But I bought one at the grocery store last night. I figured out I've never liked it because I never thought I could have ANYTHING in that magazine. Not the clothes, not the shoes. And not the style. Because when you're fat-- you don't even want to dream about those things. You just know you can't have them. And that is easier than wanting. But I've put this bikini model up on my fridge and I don't hate it. For once, I don't hate it. I'm inspired by it and I think I CAN have that.
I'm "detox'ing" right now. It's Dr.-supervised :) Don't worry. I have my own little version of Private Practice. I feel amazing on it. I'm not hungry at ALL. The only hard part is balancing my social life. Detox consists of 2 protein/fruit shakes a day. Unlimited fruits & veggies. Lean meat every three days. (I've been making these amazing turkey burgers for that! Sooo good! And all-natural supplements. I heart detox. Really. I feel so good. I've been telling all my friends detox is over on 11/20- and we're going OUT. But I'm kind of even afraid of that now, I like it that much. Don't get me wrong. I still can't wait to have an amazing cocktail that evening. But that's the thing- it will have to be A M A Z I N G for it to be worth it to me now.
I lost 7 lbs last week... and I should have an even higher number this week on detox. WooHoo! I've met w/ a few dr's and/or nutritionists / wellness peeps and I really believe at this point- with sincere and steady commitment, I can reach my goals within 6-8 months. I put the total and complete weightloss at a year on the outside. And that is so inspiring and motivating for me. I don't have to see the finish line, but I do need know it's going to come. That matters a lot. Having an internal clock for the future- helps the now- significantly!
I'm determined. And not settling.
"...I've been leaving it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make
I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just not giving up this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah
...With my heart wide open now you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Change her mind and change her world
I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just not giving up this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything..."
~Sugarland
