the scale will tell

I'm weighing in tomorrow instead of Saturday... I went to pilates monday & today. I've stuck to my points... but not *super* carefully. There was definitely a purchase of a twix bar - but I counted it. We'll see. I don't "feel" like I've lost this week.

But the scale will tell...

the week I am living in

I made my 2 point coffee (soy creamer + 1tbsp of honey). I made my 1 point english muffin w/ faux butter spray. I had organic soy cream- and spray butter... maybe the organic healthy-ness and the chemicals are a wash? Maybe? :) I hope.

I am having a biz lunch at my ol' stomping grounds of Bonjour Bagels in Los Al. I will be having the Americana - turkey on an 'everything' bagel. So delish. And then b/c of that, I will need to have a salad for dinner.

There are no pilates classes anywhere on a Friday. I felt this last week but I didn't confirm it to be totally true until last night. I'm sort of getting hooked on pilates. I suck at it- but I really like it. And I feel AMAZING after each class. The class I went to last night was at the huntington 24hr, which I don't normally go to. It was a different instructor and ALL kinds of hard. No wonder I never went back last time I tried it a few yrs back. Anyhow, for now I am fine w/ my low budget pilates. And I should probably get to a point where I am doing more cardio also. But I kind of want like a Pilates trainer and to go to a strictly pilates/yoga studio and become one of 'those' people. Ha. I soooo, am not. But I could be.

Once I GET thin- or maybe once I hit a certain goal mark yet to be determined, I will make that my reward. Wouldn't that be so healthy? An exercise reward. Good god, what am I saying? :)

In any case, I am back to chronicling my healthy habits I am instilling in myself. When I started this I noted, "I write to hold myself accountable." And let me tell you, when I'm not writing about what I am doing- I'm a trainwreck of dieting disaster. So it's good. I'm back on track. I like it. I'm not going crazy with timelines and goals... yet. It's enough to just focus on losing in the one week I am living in today.

crucial

I'm turning it around- slowly but surely. Out of the darkness.

I lost 2.2 lbs last week. I believe I'm on track to lose another two at my weigh-in with Weight Watchers on Saturday a.m.

I'm in control. And I care again.

Crucial to my success:
- Making coffee @ home to keep me out of starbucks
- 2-3 point muffins
- 100 cal english muffins
- crystal light
- http://mobile.weightwatchers.com
- knowing my plans in advance
- limiting alcohol
- cooking! I'm actually doing it!

I kind of actually CAN cook- when I trust myself. Or when I do it more frequently. The more I do it- the better I get at it. :) I feel www.hipcooks.com coming on again soon.

I am really really tired of the fat photos, the fat clothes, and the fat glances from men. I'm tired of being uncomfortable.

And at this point- almost a year later - having lost about half of my original success - I'm really unclear on just what it is going to take for me to finally take the weight off. Because it's not about not knowing how... it's completely an emotional response and buffering from the world.

I'm most miserable in the summer - b/c it's bathing suit season.
But I get happy again when fall comes. I like the colder weather- and more covered clothing to go with it.

I'm learning that I don't stand up for myself... on so many levels... and that must stop- in order for this endeavor, and me, to succeed!

Oh healthy day

10.13.08

So... I am off my starbucks addiction- not my caffeine addiction- but my starbucks addiction.
I made 2 point apple cinnamon muffins for breakfast. I made coffee at home.
I am going to Pilates at 7pm tonight.
I did the Long Beach 5k yesterday. I need new shoes.
I am going to do the Dana Point 10k on Thanksgiving.
And the Surf City Half Marathon on February 1st.

My house is clean. More importantly, my kitchen is clean. My fridge is empty but my pantry is stocked. I just need things like milk...