everyone has to sweat.

My monthly weigh-in is on Friday. I'm adding an extra training session in this week b/c I want the results to be GOOD. So far I've been down in inches and percentages, OR down on the scale, but not both. I want both this month. It may have to wait until next month but hopefully both will show this month.

I'm headed to the gym shortly. I feel like I'm not getting enough cardio in. I am. But, I feel like I'm not.

I've been wearing shorts... which is like unheard of in my world.

I had a glimpse of the girl I want to be the other day. I had a tank top & sporty shorts on, and tennis shoes, shades, and my hair piled up on top of my head. "Cute-messy-sporty" is what I'm calling the look. And I took my little pup Teddy for a walk. The sun was out. And in an instant, I felt ... "this is what it must be like..." -- to be thin -- to be happy -- to feel comfortable in your own skin -- to be healthy -- to smile up at the sunshine -- to not care what other people think -- to care what other people think and feel GOOD about what they're probably thinking -- to be thin -- to be happy.

And not that I am thin yet by any means. But I know I CAN be now. And I know I WILL be. And I can wear clothes I couldn't just a few short months ago. And I feel happy going for a walk, instead of sluggish and tired and fat.

More importantly, I had no idea that I'd been craving to know what that feeling was. But I was. Forever it feels like.

I think I might write a book one day; it could be all about how to find your happiness through sweat. Not everyone has to get a puppy. :) But everyone has to sweat. (Dont' fret, I'll be sure to include a chapter about proper skincare.)

Back by popular demand

Apparently a few of your actually like reading my updates & so to appease the requests being made-- here's a quick update for y'all! :)

I'm down approx 30lbs. I have a goal of being at 199lbs by 12/31/10... which I think is totally realistic & do-able.

I have since purchased & worn "normal" clothes at Anth, WHBM, & Ann Taylor Loft.

My trainer is amazing. My eating habits still leave something to be desired and I could always be getting more cardio in.

I can run again. Really run. I like to run to Britney Pandora, mostly.

It's really fun to shop for more than just purses, shoes, make-up & accessories. I love not being held hostage to those items alone now. There are still new fashion horizons to discover though.

People have noticed. (Thank you.) Which is great but also sometimes surprising & strangely embarassing. Not really, but in some small little place it is, somewhat.

I've been dating... not interested in any one person in particular currently but now I love picking out an outfit to go out on a date. Who KNEW that THAT could be fun? Not this girl. Never before. But now it is.

I am about 8-10lbs away from my lowest point of my adult life ever. I may hit that at my next weigh-in at the end of the month. That would be nuts. I worry about pushing thru that threshold. I remember I had walked to that Weight Watcher meeting from my old apartment near Overland & S.M. Blvd... and THAT feels like a lifetime ago. I was 22 or 23.

I'm older. Hopefully, I'm wiser too.