little lessons

Last week I dropped about 7lbs which brought me w/in VERY close reach of my 10% goal. I worked really hard at it last week but alas- I attribute 2-3 lbs of actual loss, 2-3 lbs of dehydration, and 2lbs of losing the period affectation. It was a faux huge loss. But still a great loss nonetheless.

However, the last time this happened, was in February, which is what pretty much kicked off these 2 months of yo-yo-ing. I'm not gonna lie- it's pretty much all related to men. Damn you all. And without divulging just completely too much about my personal life, I can pretty much attest that these troubles are mostly concerned with the opposite sex and coping mechanisms. In a nutshell.

What else changed around the end of Feb you might ask... b/c well, I did... and oh, of course, I re-joined Kickball.

So I've now assessed the pitfalls of the last 2 months, and contemplated the minor successes. And what I have learned is this:

1. I am more important than anybody else in the world
2. Conversely, you, are not more important, than me.
3. I will not give you time that I do not have, and that you will not reciprocate.
4. I will not order redbull-vodka at Q's. Or the Roxxy.
5. I will strive to run every single morning- and I will get over the fact that this means I can't have straight hair every day.
6. I will not go to Taco Bell.
7. I will feel, instead of eat. I will cry instead of inhale fries. I will run instead of medicate anxiety thru food.
8. I will not buy into any "crush" anymore because he's too dumb, too arrogant, and/or too apathetic to do anything about it. Plus, his girlfriend probably wouldn't like it much. And I don't really want to pay for anyone's drink but my own.
9. I will replace despair and lonliness with cynicism and anger. Yeah - I know- one day I'll figure out why that's not healthy either. But for now at least the anger will get my running shoes on.
10. I will continue to cook. And one day, I'll be good at it.

They're little lessons. And big lessons. And petty gripes disguised as lessons. But they are important right this minute and I'm not too thrilled about that, but I am accepting such information as truth right now.

I think, if you aren't supporting me and my missions, you don't belong here.
I think, if you want to support me and my missions, you won't judge.

I know that I am a complete and total pain in the ass these days... but I have this all-or-nothing / black-and-white mentality that I'm learning how to bend... I don't know how to do that yet and pretty much if I don't trust you completely, I don't trust you at all.

What? you may ask ... does any of this have to do with dropping pounds? And the answer is- quite simply- everything.