Now.

I'm back to tracking my food - pretty religiously. I'm back to "fit-bitting-ing" (see fitbit.com for more info on that).

I'm not yet back to the gym. I have fear. Knee-injury-knee-pain-fear. Going back to the gym in January sucks. There, I said it. If you've been going, you're annoyed by all the people there for their (our?) feeble resolutions, clogging up your routine. If you've not been going, you know that they know. And it sucks to feel like you're taking up space -- especially because -- if you haven't been going, you are literally taking up more space than the person next to you.

That can be next week's mission.

This week's mission is the food: tracking the food!

Monday I have an appointment with Dr. Randy Weinzoff. I'm going to do a 3 week cleanse type o thang, with him. I did it once before and had great results and it's a great way to sort of "jump-start" and kill your sugar cravings. I vaguely recall caffeine being eliminated too and I'm really not sure how that's gonna work out for me as I sit in Starbucks typing this... But I'm sure I'll find a way to survive that massive caffeine headache/hangover coming my way.

Meanwhile, let's talk about the motivation that's going to get me there--

CLOTHES!

Not just clothes, dresses. I'm currently obsessed with this one! 
And, did you know? Have you successfully blocked it out? Bathing suit season is coming, bitch!!! There won't be anyplace to hide in just 5 or 6 short short months!

Meanwhile, I am also attentive to the process of changing my work attire to be more "professional" ... and while I aspire to the Nordstrom's shopping one day of sizes under 16... right now, I am really ok with Lane Bryant, for now, not forever.

To be perfectly honest, the clothes and superficial motivations are top-of-mind right now ... they're helping me out!

But ultimately, I just want to FEEL healthy and "comfortable" inside my own body. Not the sort of "comfortable" that means I'm not ok with myself right now ... because as fat people go, I'm pretty awesome. Ha. But I mean actual "comfort" ... It feels so UNcomfortable to not "fit" properly into seats ... or to ache & be out of breath to climb a short flight of stairs ... or to feel your stomach roll over itself when you sit down ... or to wear a pair of great fitting jeans and feel them tighten and squeeze as the day progresses as you get tired ... to not be able to cross your legs in any sort of comfortable way.

All of these little things never really bothered me before. I mean, I've never liked them of course. But I notice they are actually making me tired now... I can physically feel and notice them more. To me, this means, change MUST occur. Soon. Now.