in the swing of things

Alright people. I'm back in the swing of things here. I lost 2 lbs. this week! I have lost, at this moment, exactly 25 lbs since I started this crazy business. I am still a few pounds short of my 10% goal... but I'm going to have my reward cooking class on Tuesday anyway. I am going to celebrate 25lbs GONE. It's still a big milestone, even if its not my 10% goal. I think with exercise (which I've been slacking on lately) ... and some added vigilance with keeping track of the points, I can *possibly* hit that 10% next week... and I will most definitely hit it by the following week.

So- my commitment level has spiked again. The meeting today was all about roadblocks and how to maneuver through them instead of derailing. It was a good topic- although sort of corny.

The main thing is that they talked about life changing. Many of you know how I hate change. But I realize now that I was struggling because my schedule started to change. I have gotten really busy with real estate, and I added my pt job working for WAKA Kickball. I'm freakin busy. And I realize now that this requires a little more planning at the start of the week. It requires a little more strength and power over when, where & how I am eating. And where I can fit exercise in. I've got to do it in the morning now. I just flat out don't have the time in the evenings. I'm either kickballing, meeting with clients, or preparing for the following day. I get up and exercise- and that means I need to like sleep in my work out clothes or something. And it means, I can't fall behind in my laundry. And its all these little things I didn't have to worry about as much when I was less busy and able to work from home more- but not I'm out. I'm at the office or "out in the field" and I just don't always have access to my food so I need to get better at making those "on-the-fly" decisions.

Even writing this I've been interrupted at least 5x by different phone calls. My multi tasking levels are increasing and I need to keep this as a top priority instead of letting it slip first as usual.

I just need to keep the faith :)

more to come...

Well, did I mention I lost a pound last week? I'm doing ok on my home scale. I think I'm doing ok this week in general. I've had a lot of subway, and not so many croissants at Starbucks. Monday and Tuesday I had kickball games, and flipcup games, and bud light. But I've been counterbalancing that with water & I'm back to my raspberry green tea crystal light.
I've been super busy @ work but I don't think I'm stress eating.
I will have more to report after tomorrow's weigh in.

But I've been staying on track this week... it's just slow going for me right now. No exercise... though I do hope to get a long run/walk in tonight. I've been doing a lot of work in the neighborhood I grew up in... and even though I ate shit on a run in there on New Year's Eve, it might be time to go back and do a little recon work :D

More to come...

today will be better

Alright- so the derail of the last couple weeks is not the end of the world. EVEN if I gain this week, I'll be about where I was before I had that crazy 7lb loss. So I'm ok with that- I just hate wasted time.

I did not get back to the healthy eating. In fact, Monday was amazingly terrible. Taco Bell = death. However, b/c I ate taco bell so late on monday- i was not hungry almost the entire day on tuesday... so at least my body has adjusted to this new life. and it was not happy with me on tuesday. and i did not eat just b/c i was supposed to be having food at a certain hour.

i had a starbucks yogurt, and a cpk salad. pretty much for the whole day. so my metabolism is screwed, but at least the over-eating was curtailed.

this morning- i woke up - after having watched the biggest loser- and i got back to tracking my points. even for the last 2 days.

THIS is where the trouble has been. i haven't been writing it down. honestly i can trace most of the problems back to when i lost my bank card, changed the acct #s and subsequently lost my WW internet access for about 5 days. this is when it started. apparently i need the access to their system. without it, i fail.

but even when i got it back, it was already too late... i was already on a path of destruction.

additionally- i got busy with life. work picked up. i started my new kickball job. (yes, that's right, i work for waka now). i travelled. and i know that when i get busy w/ the rest of my life, my personal well-being is the first thing to go out the window.

THAT MUST STOP.

i hate to mention it- but it really ties into maslow's hierarchy of needs. i am sorry to pull some of you back to intro psych... but well, here it is. i can't reach my full potential until i put the foundation under me to support success.

i have been building it- but as soon as i stop for just a second- it all goes to hell.

so today will be better. and i will exercise- even if i just go for a walk. i want a dog!

"long day"

So- I have been somewhat derailing.
I am here to report only this.

There are many factors and I will detail them, probably, not now.

But for now, all I can say is that I am getting back on track.

I'm still not confident I can hit that 10% mark before my scheduled reward of a hipcooks class on 3/18... I'm not really sure it's possible at this point... but I'm not going to give up trying.

I am back to the hard work. I derailed for about 2 weeks- more on that later.

You need not comment with your "you can do it"s and good cheer. Not that I don't appreciate that normally... but right now, I just am not cheery about it.

I am just settling down to get back to work at it. Maybe I'll be a little more excited after I get one day of healthy eating back in me... with some real fat-burning exercise to boot.

I am just sort of resigned at the moment. No longer resigned and falling off track- just resigned to the notion that I am not allowed to stop thinking about this for even a day, without losing serious ground.

And it's ok- I mean- I want it badly enough so I'm going to do it. But the more I learn about how I got here, and the more I realize how hard it's going to be to keep going, the more I resent the fact that I am seriously going to have to put way more work into this than I have even been doing thus far.

***

"...I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh god I shouldn't feel this way

(Chorus)
Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
And no lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right..."
~MB20