"long day"

So- I have been somewhat derailing.
I am here to report only this.

There are many factors and I will detail them, probably, not now.

But for now, all I can say is that I am getting back on track.

I'm still not confident I can hit that 10% mark before my scheduled reward of a hipcooks class on 3/18... I'm not really sure it's possible at this point... but I'm not going to give up trying.

I am back to the hard work. I derailed for about 2 weeks- more on that later.

You need not comment with your "you can do it"s and good cheer. Not that I don't appreciate that normally... but right now, I just am not cheery about it.

I am just settling down to get back to work at it. Maybe I'll be a little more excited after I get one day of healthy eating back in me... with some real fat-burning exercise to boot.

I am just sort of resigned at the moment. No longer resigned and falling off track- just resigned to the notion that I am not allowed to stop thinking about this for even a day, without losing serious ground.

And it's ok- I mean- I want it badly enough so I'm going to do it. But the more I learn about how I got here, and the more I realize how hard it's going to be to keep going, the more I resent the fact that I am seriously going to have to put way more work into this than I have even been doing thus far.

***

"...I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh god I shouldn't feel this way

(Chorus)
Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
And no lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right..."
~MB20