28 going on 15

I was investigating gastric bypass sites, and tummy tuck / body contouring plastic surgery sites. Ironically, I think both the "before" AND the "after" pictures are gross.

I actually ate a bean&cheese burrito from Chano's this weekend. The fast food is fully in effect.

In a matter of 2 weeks, I've totally put on like 10 lbs. The damage is not small. Destruction. It's so much easier.

There is an article in the July issue of Marie Claire about how losing weight lost this girl all her friends... b/c she was their go-to fun person, or go-to venting person. They wanted to indulge in chocolate and wine once a week, and she was doing it virtually every day. They wanted her along for the ride to make themselves feel better, and she was happy to comply.

The LSAT studying is over. My schedule is free flowing again. And I hate it.

My dishwasher is broken... hence the fast food mentioned above.

It's too hot to run. And besides that, I don't want to.

I could type that its going to change- that with this post I am turning it all around. But really, I'm going to go to Starbucks or Peet's and get a latte and a croissant. And not exercise.

The more I learn and the more I realize how badly I really really want to do this, the less successful I seem to get.

Yesterday, I was actually thinking how great it is that food has such a huge power over me. I thought, "If I can't get the calm and the tranquility (or, the "fix") from food, I think I could really be a drug addict." I was actually thinking "Thank god the socially acceptable normal vices do the trick for me." ... Who thinks like that?

There are treatments for people with bulimia or anorexia. If there is a medical treatment for emotional over eating, I either haven't found it, or I don't accept it. When I was little, I knew I was overeating... and because you know people talk to the tweens about those 2 things, I actually thought I should try to throw up b/c I didn't fit the whole description.

The profile didn't match. And that's all any teenage girl really wants, is to fit in- with her friends, with guys, and with clothes. Diagnosis? I might be twenty-eight going on fifteen.