the damage wasn't too bad

On Sunday -- I thought -- 

Annual Chrismukkah was today. "On a Stick" party was yesterday. I've been cooking and baking TONS o stuff! And I can't figure out if this means I'm eating less or more. I think less... but of not-so-good-for-you items.


I've had a GREAT weekend and yet I feel extremely unsettled as this Sunday evening comes to a close.


I can't quite pinpoint the source of this feeling...


I feel like I took control this year. I lost a bunch of weight from Jan/Feb up until July, and then it all went to hell and I've sort of gained it back. And so I feel like, what was the point? What was the point of all that work? All that sweat? All that pain? And putting it back on from August until now happened with minimal notice.


I made a choice - a few choices - a few really bad, and then a few really good choices, that landed me here again.


The running will make me sane again. It always does. Ready to crank on the mileage tomorrow! Bring it.

And now  -- 


A plan is in motion. Personal training returns. Running returns. Rowing will begin. I've been eating the protein packages from starbucks, and going to subway more often. I think with all the holiday sweets around, I've been craving health and protein over sugar and sweet.


I have a half marathon training calendar in place that I am pretty amp'd about. And I google'd myself and found some fun (funny?) shots from the last half I did which was the LB Half back in '09. If I recall, I'd been obsessed with my 30th birthday and did this race about a month after it'd hit. I fall into these ruts and like to shake things up for myself by running, apparently.


My dad and I had a little heart-to-heart at our Chanukah celebration this evening (where I made the standard latkes and a non-dairy version of a noodle kugle for my mom which turned out surprisingly well) and I really am a significantly happier person when I am working out in general and, for myself and my own happiness-- I must continue to learn how to make this a priority in my life. I looked back through my photos of the year and I really was happier from say, March to July 30th. I have a marker. Brooke's wedding on July 30th is the last pic I have where I feel comfortable and happy with where I was at.  Things changed in my life after that. Big things that don't belong here. And I still haven't learned how to deal with LIFE without using food to cope. But at least this time the derailment only lasted a few months, and the damage wasn't too bad, all in all. 


Now if I could just keep making good choices ...