I was kind of hating on that new theme song (because change is hard) until I discovered it's by Train! <3
And, I was tagged in some pix from last March that I'd never seen before:
And I was in Vegas - and I found the gym inside Mandalay Bay. Literally, I was in Vegas - and I went to the gym! I was really happy with the clothes I was wearing and how I felt in general. And I was still big even then, but better than now.
So, yesterday, I wore a top on Christmas that I'd purchased this past summer (I think from Ann Taylor) that is a little bit tight again. And I got lots of compliments - that rang hollow to me.
And I realize that the half marathon is like, soon.
In July, I told my trainer, "This is my set point. This is my lowest adult weight that I've never been able to break through." And I gave up because I didn't believe. Well, I had some minor health issues set me back, and then I used that as an excuse, to give up, entirely. And I haven't really gained much back. Really. Which is amazing to me. Because I feel FAT. But the scale's numbers are telling me: "It's not that bad..." You didn't eff it up TOO much.
So, the point is - I know I can do it. After all the excel spreadsheets of potential weight-loss, and crazy schedules of how and when to fit the workouts in, and endless healthy recipe collections, I know it is not about any of that. I mean, those things are helpful, in a way. But detrimental in others.
Mostly, I just need to decide, and CONTINUE TO BELIEVE, that I am WORTH IT! Then I need to keep working at it - no matter what.
I am going to apply to Biggest Loser Season 14. I auditioned once before and made it into local papers. And I said I'd give up that dream after I heard Jillian was leaving. But I was scared and guarded. I put down a friend's wedding as a taping conflict. I could've missed that wedding, really. And there are parts of the application where you talk about what you wouldn't want on tv... and there are some things that I think would come out of me, that I don't really want on tv. But there was a girl, who dealt with her parents and the blame of the death of one of her siblings, and after that season, I thought: if she can put that on tv, whatever the cost of loss of privacy, is worth the benefits of being on that Ranch and being able to focus your entire being to this single cause. That is a luxury. It's a dream. It's work and pain that I can't even begin to imagine but I know it'd be worth it now -- at almost any cost. Because it's your life in the end. They give you back your life. And yes, you earn it... blah blah. But really, they hold your life out to you on a silver platter and all you have to do is reach out, and hold it. If you're strong enough.
I can't wait for the new season to start on 1/3!
Oh and if that doesn't work out - because who can bank on that really - I've still got a trip to Cabo coming up on 7/5 and I WILL be wearing this amazing bathing suit I found recently! I've hung pictures of it up in my office, on my fridge, and on my bathroom mirror. It is my current mass motivation!
No comments:
Post a Comment