Come Again

Wow -- the dedication in that last post, lasted about 5 days... if that.

But I always return... to the writing, the dieting, the clear-mindedness. I return to... the struggle with "all-or-nothing," the ocd-that's-not-really-ocd-but-i-wish-it-were-so-i'd-have-SOME-kind-of-exCUSE, the knowledge that even in those statements I can come off as a whiny bitch because really, what's so bad about MY life? Nothing. Truly, nothing. But obviously SOMEthing or else I'd be able to take this damn weight off for good. This is what I return to. Repeatedly. It's like a comfy couch. You know you should get up and go DO something but oh it's SO cozy and easy to sink into the cushions and take a lil' nappers.

But the point is - I have returned - to the place where I am DOING. I signed up for a half marathon the 1st weekend in February and so this means I have to return to long distance training. I really like it. I mean, I like to complain about it. But I really love it. I will never be one of those crazy people who runs marathons every month because I'm addicted to the runner's high-- which is a real thing by the way. But I could maybe get to a place where I do halfs pretty regularly.

I do have a dream to do another full marathon-- but I would only do it if I could finish it in well under 6 hours. Like, 5:30 would be a good target. But I'd have to be at a normal weight, and in great shape to do that. And the thing is - I always tell people - ANYONE can run a marathon - you JUST HAVE to WANT to. And I fully stand behind that. Because I did. I just don't WANT to do another marathon unless I know I can do it in that "reasonable" time-frame.

[Oh and I also gave up drinking for about 4 out of the 6 months I trained for it and I just don't WANT to do that either at this point.]

In any case, I digress. The point is - I have returned - to writing, to dieting (I know, I know, "lifestyle change"), to running, and frankly, to making changes and good decisions (who me?)

Here's the thing about good decisions: they suck. They hurt and they feel bad and sometimes you hurt people's feelings, and sometimes you back yourself into a corner so that your own feelings are trampled on. And for a GenX / GenY cusper who does not comprehend the concept of delayed gratification, "good" decisions seem worthless.

Except they're gold! Don't go selling your jewelry to that late night infomercial scheme just yet though. That is not a good decision - consult your financial advisor - there, my disclaimer.

I'm realizing that good decisions are gold, and they start to add up. There is a multiplier force at play. If you keep making good decisions, even if you fall and make a few bad ones along the way, as long as you continue in your quest of the good ones, the Universe rewards you.

I'm banking on that, right now.

[Expect more blogging... I'm ready to share again... better block me now before you reach the point of annoyance.] ;-)