:::just a spoonful of sugar:::

I didn't go out tonight. I planned to go up to LA to watch the kball playoff game... but I did not.

I did not need::: the beer, the cold, the drive, the fries, did I mention the beer?

I missed::: my friends, and what I am sure was a good time...

I am thrilled::: I made a healthy dinner, stayed well under my points for the day, cleaned my house, drank a gallon of water, and watched The Biggest Loser.

I am less than thrilled::: I think my Dogtown days might be over. It'll be a "game-time" decision for the return. It'll depend on how much weight I've lost at that point and how in control I am in social settings on the eating and drinking.

Last January, I was super super sick and on antibiotics. So of course, I went out to Brennan's and played DD. And the ONE night I was sober @ Brennan's, I got pulled over. After that, I resolved to not drunk drive and I have stuck to it. I am able to stick to it, b/c I am so heavy, that it takes A LOT of alcohol to penetrate my senses. I can't wait... I can't WAIT to actually, literally, be a lightweight.

I am learning to put myself first. And that sort of sucks in a way, b/c I really REALLY hate missing out on things. I really think I hate it more than the average person. I cannot stand to miss things. But I am learning that I will have more time on this planet, to do more "things" if I take care of myself now. And I am learning how that means nourishment, and rest, and peace. And more importantly, how that means NOT junk food, fast food, sweets, treats, and binge drinking. And I am not very good at letting those healthier things creep in on me. I get bored with them. I am constantly looking for the next thing to DO. So I have some work to do to feel a little more comfortable hanging out with myself.

And I'm slightly bitter b/c all my friends in LB have someone to be with, even during their downtime. That's why I clung to LA long past my expiration date. There are always people, to do something with. And I hate that about Long Beach. But I know it's good for me. I hear playing in my head... "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down..."