"sometimes, is never quite enough"

I hate the daily fluctuation of the scale. I keep hearing my own edited version of Heidi Klum (a la Project Runway) running through my head: "In fashion, one day you are in, and the next you are out" except I hear "One day you are down, and the next you are up" ...

Did I mention I really enjoy having a supermodel's words echoing in my mind? It's awesome.

Another I really really enjoy- the good ol standby of Perfect by Alanis Morrisette...

"Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you - to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep Quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live for you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem ...... why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you / just the way you are / if you're perfect"

I don't have ANY issues w/ perfection. None. :) Repeat-central in my brain.

I swore that even though I was going to weigh myself every day- I wasn't going to make myself nuts over that daily number. I was just going to use it as a guide. Only. That's not working out so well. I choose not to adjust it. I know I still have to keep stepping onto that scale because it tells the overall truth- even though I disagree with it on some of the details... for the most part, it tells the truth. And I require that. So I'm just going to have to conquer the tape in my head.

I am not perfect- and that is ok.

[Laugher in my head- I don't really believe that.]

Yes- but I want to believe that- and that is a step in the right direction.

You have conversations with yourself too, right? :)

I'm still losing- even though I'm in a funk about it today.
I figure- this blog can't be all happy happy joy joy - it's all going swimmingly.
It's going fine- doesn't mean I have to like it every day.
Today is not the "I've had 50 carrots today and LOVE it" day.