i don't want carrots

i need to bitch. this is so much work. its so much effort. all day. every day. every night. i'm so tired of it right now.

i don't want carrots, i want pizza. and more to the point- i want to be one of the skinny people who can eat pizza and real coca-cola all day long and not gain an ounce. i hate those people. why can't i be blessed w/ that metabolism? :( meh.

i dont want to track everything i eat for the rest of my life. but i really am probably going to have to do it.

you know- normal addicts -to anything- have it easier, in a way. if you smoke- when you quit, you just don't ever have a cigarette. if you go to AA, you just don't ever have a drink. you're not forced into having smaller portions of your drug of choice. you don't have to be tempted by having just one hit, but no more. i know i know- my analogy isn't right b/c a 'real' addiction is serious- but you know- i seriously feel like "one day at time" applies here.

and i hate today.

it's hard b/c i totally went off plan this weekend. i had BJ's pizza, and a crazy delish french dinner, and brie, and wine, and greasy eggs and toast at Denny's, and CPK. I ate out the entire weekend- and I was never home. And it was my old life. And I miss it.

And now I am back to getting back "on plan" and it sucks.
I guess the point is that I am getting back on plan. I'm doing it.

But I miss my old life. And I'm angry that I have to give it up.