I would burn them

I am down 2lbs. this week. And while I thought last night that that would be failure, I have new perspective on it today. I am sane again. 2lbs is great! I will hit the 20lb. mark next week for sure. I know it. I'm ok with it. It's moving a little more slowly that I would like, but that just means I need to exercise more. And that is ok too. It makes me feel great-- once I am done. It's getting there that is the hard part.

So this week I will continue to stay on track w/ the eating. It's getting easier. And I will exercise my heart out. And I'll feel great- and I will not be a crazy person this week. :-D

I have to put my bridesmaid dress order in on Monday... that will be interesting. Here's the fun thing about being fat and ordering one of these dresses... not only will I be ordering the largest size that they offer, which is additionally expensive by $20-$50 more than regular sizes, but I will probably ALSO be ordering extra fabric- just in case it needs to be let out, and I will be ordering the dress w/ an extra 6inches of length at the bottom- not b/c I'm tall- but b/c the extra width to me will take up that extra length- not vertically. All of these things are separate, extra charges, for the regular ol' fat person.

No one really shares the horror that this truly is. And I know its not just me. B/c I mean- the sizes are offered. So that's just business. No one said- I think we should offer plus sizes b/c that'd be nice of us- they said- we should offer plus sizes and charge more b/c they'll pay it b/c they have to. And I think more than 60% of America is overweight. So I know I'm not alone here. But no one will tell you how truly expensive all clothes are for the fat people you know. And I know you know them. And it is ironic- since clothes shopping is such a demoralizing horrible experience to begin with, for my people at least. Yes, I said "my people" ... yes, we are an entirely separate demographic. We go shopping for shoes and make-up. B/c that's the bottom line for fun for us.

I had dresses made for my bat-mitzvah. And I didn't attend my prom- or a winter formal- ever. Not because I was lame and had no friends. I'm pretty sure most of my friends were mad at me for not going. I didn't go because I couldn't wear anything. I'm pretty sure I wore men's jeans from the gap for most of my youth. Because the plus size market has grown with my age. It didn't exist then. Fun stores like Torrid weren't around. Media didn't cover it as an epidemic yet. It was shameful and horrible and it still is- but ironically I have to be grateful the correct sizes are even offered- now.

I am close to 20lbs down, and I have stuck w/ this solidly for 17 weeks now, going on 18. When I hit a solid size 18, I will be thrilled. And when I hit a size 12, I might cry- b/c the last time I barely fit into that size was when I was taking "phen-fen" during my junior and senior years of high school.

Each time I hit a new size- I'm giving my clothes away. Because I will NEVER wear them again. If I didn't want to see them go to good use for someone else- I would burn them.