a pattern emerges

I am starting to figure out that the binge eating is triggered by late night rejection. Now, don't think I haven't known that- forever. But I didn't realize it as one of the single biggest problems I have with this whole process of losing weight & becoming healthy.

I did SO well last night out partying. I had plenty of points saved up for drinks and I had chicken tacos a la carte somewhere halfway through! Twas SUCH fun times!



...

But on the late night return home, after another few FULLY expected disappointments w/ various guys, I somehow found myself at the Taco Bell drive through.

Now- I have improved. My order was not huge, but I shouldn't have been there in the first place. I have late night "healthy" munchie food in my freezer for this exact purpose. I did not need the Taco Bell. And I was half aware of this even as I placed the order. But I couldn't stop myself.

I wasn't trying to "sober up" and I wasn't hungry. So, the only explanation I can arrive at is emotional binge eating. If I don't want to be alone, the food will keep me company. It doesn't judge and it is consistent and reliable... things I'm not getting anywhere else...

Constant. This is constantly my life. Believing that years of my life are worth more than this crap shouldn't be hard. But I still don't know how to change it, yet.